two....

I remember the day like it was yesterday, and I think it will always feel that way. I sat in the Dr's office waiting for the result. She came in. I had to have been sweating or at least visibly shaking. "SO, do you think Abby wants a brother or a sister?" Vomit filled my espohagus. "Um, what?" No fucking way I could be pregnant... well I could, but I couldn't. My first thought, I'm a dead woman, not that Eric is the beating type, but hey, we couldn't afford another kid. We were planning for it a year after this, not NOW.

My biggest issue was always that I was ruining Abigail's life. Come on, who in their life never wanted to be a spoiled only child?! You're lying if you say you never wanted to be one. Abby was spoiled from the moment she was born. But not in a bad way. In a way that we were teaching her that the better of a person you are, the more you get. Crazy concept I know, but that's how we do it. She was Daddy's little girl, Mommy's princess, Grampie's girl... you name it. She was the first born grandchild on both sides, not to mention the smartest. I felt every day as the pregnancy went on that I was taking something from her more and more. But, I worked really hard to make a child under two understand what was happening. Abby spoke daily of her "Pa you" as she so lovingly called him. She felt his kicks, god I wish she would be able to remember that years from now. She was ready to share our love, I was not.

I'll never forget the moment my daughter met her brother. Even in the drugged up state that was so bad I barely remember the people that visited me that first day, I remember those two kids. Eric bent down with Matthew in his arms, but Abigail was still fixed on me sitting in a bed, tubes and such going every where. But then a few minutes later, she turned her head slowly and looked to her brother. She leaned over and kissed his forehead and said "hey, I'm your sister and I love you buddy." That was the best moment of my life. The two have been buddies ever since. Abigail was as helpful as a 2 year old could be when we came home. She has watched over him carefully ever since June 19th, 2007. I don't think anyone could ever say that any girl would ever be a better big sister than her.

In this past year I've learned so much. I never for one minute took something away from Abigail. In fact, I gave her a gift that enriched her life and made her the happy, compassionate 3 year old that she is today. Abigail and Matthew have more love for one another than I've ever seen two human beings have in my entire life. Granted, they are learning to fight and learning what the other one likes and doesn't like.... but they're siblings, best friends, and my beautiful children, and I can't wait to watch them grow.